The Delicacy of Almost Loves
Let us raise a glass to “almost loves” and “what could have been.” There are never too many of them and their popularity keeps growing. In an age where love is deemed as a tragic entrapment, it can be frightening to even believe in love. How do we love in a world where we’re taught not to?
Most ‘almost loves’ start, I believe, with a mutual goal of privately having that special someone. Where we take little things like similar music tastes or location or convenient timing and twist them into forced connections because ultimately we believe there is no one else. Everyone is romantically frustrated, we all seek the fairytale romances portrayed on television and social media. There’s a pattern of clinging onto what makes us feel good and excited.
The late-night phone calls and long drives paired with noncommittal undertones can keep someone from getting “caught up.” But we do it anyway. Sometimes it’s entertaining each other until something better, more compatible, or interesting comes along. But along the way feelings are developed, nurtured, and eventually shattered. It creates a cycle that leaves us open and vulnerable for the next semi-relationship to do the same thing.
In some cases, it’s completely wrong from the get-go, but the refusal of both sides to acknowledge anything makes it harder. There’s something there, you both feel it, but you’re never quite on the same page. One of you wants this and another wants that but neither of you are willing to compromise. It could be the time, the distance, or maybe the emotional availability; but something stands in the way of your potential love. It’s like you’re on separate trains riding parallel to one another going in the same direction but they never intersect.
‘Almost Loves’ are all about timing. If you’re not moving at the same pace, it’s always one person ahead and another trying to catch up. It’s a dog chasing its tail.
But for most, the chase makes it fun.
It adds an element of interest. It keeps both parties occupied so that they don’t have to think of the true problems in their relationships. It can also stall both parties. They can’t move forward because they don’t know how to, and moving backward is a dangerous idea. So the relationship remains at a standstill where there's no talk of the future and you just live in the moment whenever you’re together. It’s not going to work long term because eventually something will change and the continuity and repetitiveness will become tiring. Lastly, the timing can just be off for the relationship. We met each other too early in life and maybe it could be something in the future or at a different time but it's the wrong time, wrong place, right now.
At the end of an almost love it can feel like an unfinished book or a cliffhanger in a movie. They stop because of lost interest, boredom or just being forgetful. They end so quietly that it's almost like it never happened. The late-night calls, “good morning” texts, little hangouts, and snippets of affection dissipate into thin air. It’s a real breakup despite not being in an actual relationship. We go through the same motions of reflecting on what could be better, evaluating the past, thinking about them when we shouldn’t, and allowing ourselves to grieve the relationship.
Despite all the beauty, it’s toxic. ‘Almost Loves’ are toxic. It’s filled with one-sided conversations, competition, and plenty of disappointment. There are promises of hope and potential that can be suddenly squashed by so many factors. When it happened to me I wanted to be immovable. A rock that stood my ground no matter what that everyone would follow. It was a dream to have a boy be in love with me while I remained indifferent. It was toxic thinking. It’s okay to move. Don’t be a rock. Find your love or let it find you. It’s better to sway together and ride the tracks then stay together on a broken train.
Ariel Snead is an 18-year old writer, student, influencer, and journalist from Baltimore, Maryland. She is currently pursuing Media Management at New York University. She hopes to develop a career involving media and its influence while also pursuing writing. You can find her on Instagram @mystic.ari, and on Twitter @arielvshae
This article was edited by EIC Kailah Figueroa.
Copyedited by Tah Ai Jia.