Knowing When Enough is Enough: An Overachiever’s Guide to Self-Care
The term “self-care” has become ubiquitous over the past few years. Bathroom “shelfies” of luxurious face products, photographs of small dogs wrapped in bath towels and pictures of perfectly poised models donning face masks have taken over my Instagram feed. Beauty routines, yoga, pilates, and spending on loungewear have come to define what is now considered to be self-care.
As someone whose to-do list is ever-expanding — and who always seems to be doing too much — the idea of self-care is one that I often reflect on, and ultimately, tend to neglect. While my skincare routine brings me joy, and I do look forward to the weather warming up enough in the spring to go for a run, these notions of self-care don’t necessarily contribute very much to my overall well-being.
In fact, I’m really quite a pro at what social media considers to be self-care. My supply of skincare products is extensive and I take advantage of every opportunity I have to put on a face mask. The reality is, social media’s notion of self-care is commercially driven and leans more towards indulgence and materialistic gratification. As consumers, we have become accustomed to the concept that we have to purchase lotions, perfume, hair products, and eye masks in order to be truly taking care of ourselves. But the truth is, self-care is much more than buying products that lend themselves merely to the enhancement of our physical appearance.
Sure, slathering my face and neck in a luxurious cream is relaxing, but at the end of the day, that is not what will clear my mind of the accumulated stress I face. As someone who is always doing too much, amidst the chaos of deadlines, meetings, and study sessions, where do I find the time for me and actually take a break? Ever since I could remember, taking the time to engage in activities that I can’t put on my resume was unthinkable. To this day, I struggle with the idea of taking a few hours away from my day to do something for mere pleasure. Doing anything even remotely enjoyable is ultimately accompanied by feelings of regret. “I could be studying” and “this won’t get me into grad school” are among the many intrusive thoughts I have to deal with when doing anything for, well, me.
So how can overachievers overcome these feelings of remorse, take the time to be a little kinder to themselves, and prevent burnout?
Simply said, stop setting restrictions. Allocating time to study usually results in procrastination and feeling guilty when you (inevitably) don’t follow through with your plans. Rather than blocking out time for study and meetings, try blocking out time to do the things you love, leaving the rest of the time for working. Setting aside three or four hours per week to meet up with friends, attend a dance class, or learn a new hobby will allow you to do something that you enjoy, all the while knowing that the rest of your time is reserved for your studies, work, or volunteering.
That being said, restrictions are necessary for certain things. When it comes to personal projects, part-time gigs, and volunteer work, you don’t need to be doing the most to be successful or accomplished. Redefine what success means to you. While that volunteer opportunity might seem like it will benefit you, consider if it actually holds a place in regards to your goals or if it's really just another thing to keep you busy. By narrowing down what your goals are and determining what you need to do to get there, you can save yourself a lot of stress. Instead of taking every opportunity that comes your way, contemplate what you can learn from it and whether it’s beneficial to you, allowing you to focus on what matters to you, as opposed to what you think you should be doing.
Nevertheless, these tips are easier said than done. The biggest act of self-care for any overachiever is learning when to stop and accepting that you do not always have to be doing something. If, like me, the feelings of anxiety and stress that accompany your go-getter personality make you feel like you should always be productive, remind yourself that not everything you do has to yield measurable results.
Lorenza Mezzapelle is a freelance writer from Montreal. She is currently completing a double major in Art History and Journalism. Her work has been featured in her campus newspaper, where she is Assistant Arts Editor, as well as Yiara Magazine where she is Editor-in-Chief, Flanelle Magazine, and THE FINE PRINT Magazine, among others. Her interests lie at the intersection of art, fashion, and culture; particularly, the sociology of fashion, material culture, identity politics, and sustainability studies. When she’s not in school or at work, she is teaching herself to speak Danish, analog photography, and trying to watch every movie mentioned in Gilmore Girls. You can find her on Instagram @mo0dyteen.
This article was edited by Sarah Diver
Copyedited by Tah Ai Jia