Delinquent Crisis

would it be alright if i lied
about how i'm feeling half of the time
because i've been doing things that i know
you wouldn't be happy with

i've been violently losing braincells
and if i keep going i'll feel better by the end of the year
you know i've been in a crisis
and i'm not handling it too well
but i'm finally learning how to drive

it's poker night at the boys house
and i'm wearing my prettiest dress
hoping they destroy me
it's poker night at the boys house
and i'm walking home
with an ever so slight limp

i'm the ripe age of eighteen
but it feels like i've wasted my whole life
it started when i was seven
and i began to question if i was going to heaven
BECAUSE BY THE TIME I WAS ELEVEN
i was learning to stroke men online who were like forty-seven
and by the time i was fifteen i hated myself
i hated everything about me
but i kept going
even though it was an awful idea

what if i called up the man that touched me
got on my knees and then bit his dick off
made him feel every feeling he made me feel
but hey i'm not a sound body and i'm not of sound mind

it's poker night at the boys house
and i'm wearing my prettiest dress
hoping they destroy me
you know what, no
it's poker night at the boys house
and if they run their mouth
i'll make sure they taste the floor

 hi im riley and im an 18 y/o trans musician / artist / writer. my writing is a weird combination of shitty song writing and abstract versions of things that have happened to you.