First Love
because earlier that day I said I didn't want to; what i learned from you: love is amazing & strong & what brings you up can also bring you down; regret hesitation; passion & honesty rule above all; punk fashion; locker-slam kisses; bee-sting lips; mango art forms/prints; THEO; backstage theatre; cold fingers; The Sounds; warm jacket; iron-ons; Taco Bell; "hide the vodka, you can keep it"; writing & collages on the wall; nervous Myspace; can't shoot the gun; Fight Club first time; Mexican music; Target toilet super-glue; how will I ever get over this; 30-second or less phone call; the boy you dated; maybe I should buy pot from him; call him cigarette because he's a redhead; pink hair; "you hate me, right?"; K-I-S-S; princess of darkness; "she's really skinny"; commando in the P.E. locker room; "they come in all shapes and sizes"; the next time is going to be even better; "she's in the room!"; only wear eyeliner; spilled milk; horse girl; under the table; chainsaw in the boys room; black lipstick; "what did you do?"; secretary; merry murder-mystery; you you you; the only one in the house; did we ever even have a class together?; gnashing a fistful of tic-tacs in my mouth before I'd see you in the hallway; [[after I kissed you in public the first time the bell rang and I ran up the nearest flight of stairs and cried; something like jumping off an airplane- this mixture of liberation and down-to-the-core split-your-soul-open love]] outside waiting; park & 'vagina tree'; the red balls outside of Target; never more jealous than when I saw those pictures; skirt in warm rain; love is the best thing ever, you don't realize what everyone is going on about it sucking, then your heart is crack crack cracked & the cold is everywhere; I saw you everyday but was so shy; can't even remember if I said I loved you; we had so much more than words; naïve for the best experiences; trepidation unbearable; I'll pretend to write; everyone else wanted you too but not like me; more than experimentation; irrevocable in the best of ways; flawless in its intricacy; it is everything in that moment & impossible not to be filled up by the memory; "I've never felt so ___"; grab her hips, c'mon, go lower; behind the door; A-names; Aquarius; kissing spell red candle; midnight calls; little things; anything for attention; blatant lies; fire; call her; don't read those e-mails; Grease; bottles of Punky Colour; walking around feeling superior knowing the joke's on you; can be seen with a spoon & a jar of peanut butter; strawberry soda; black hoodies; bad grades.
Elizabeth Victoria Aldrich is a queer femme writer in Los Angeles.