Why are We Addicted to Breakup Songs?
When I went through my first breakup, which was about as emotionally serious and life-impacting as anything can be in high school, I played the album Speak Now by Taylor Swift over and over again, primarily while crying in the shower. This album was my solace for reasons I had never quite explored until now. It reminded me of my childhood, as I was an avid fan of Swift during my elementary and middle school years, and it was comforting to listen to an album in which I knew all the lyrics to every song.
Even if you haven’t had your heartbroken, everyone has their share of favorite breakup songs. Whether it be an album that makes you feel empowered or makes you want to cry, something about the strong emotions evoked by these songs makes us want to cherish them forever. Search up the term “breakup songs,” and you will find articles upon articles of people ranking these songs in lists.
But why are we, as a society, so obsessed with these songs?
This theme of “breakup songs” transcends genres and consistently takes over the top 100 charts, with recognizable hits such as “I Will Always Love You” By Witney Houston, which is arguably the most famous breakup song ever recorded with over 20 million copies sold, remaining as the best selling single for a woman in music history. Musicians ranging from Joy Division to Beyonce have created breakup songs, making it possibly the most universal subject in all of music. But what differentiates these hits from each other, or are they all essentially the same thing when you boil them down?
While it may not be the first breakup song ever written, we can go back to 1950 with “I’ll Never Be Free” by Tennessee Ernie Ford and Kay Starr to analyze the evolution of breakup music. In this moody duet, Ford and Starr lament their inability to forget their former lover, comparing their romantic bonds to slavery – seems a bit dramatic, right? Well, dramatism is an aspect that unites most breakup songs. Artists often talk about their feelings in the most extreme terms. Rather than hiding anything, or trying to play it cool, musicians opt to air out every aspect of what they’re feeling.
This intimacy, created by the honesty found in almost all break songs, could be one of the reasons why we’re so attracted to them in the first place. As with any type of music, we want to relate to it. However, breakup songs are unique in their raw and almost aggressive portrayal of human passion. By listening to breakup music, we can acknowledge this part of emotion and not be ashamed by it.
Now, fast forward 20 years to 1970 with Freda Payne’s “Band of Gold”. In this song, Payne paints the picture of a broken marriage, in which the only substantial aspect is her wedding ring and not the promises associated with it. Once again, similar to “I’ll Never Be Free,” Payne feels a connection to her estranged lover and hopes that they will come back to love her like they used to. The lyrics, “I'd wait in the darkness of my lonely room / Filled with sadness, filled with gloom / Hoping soon / That you'd walk back through that door / And love me like you tried before” are particularly heart wrenching. What makes this song so impactful, is the use of the word tried, citing an instance of a love that was destined to fail, even though both sides desperately wanted it to work. This is the hopeless beauty of love, and of breakup songs themselves.
But how have the eternal themes of these songs translated into modern-day music?
Halsey’s “Without Me” is cited as the top breakup song of 2019. The song’s simple, concise structure is similar to both the aforementioned hits. When it comes to breakups, it seems like musicians want to just get straight to the point. This structure is especially effective in Halsey’s take, as she uses it as a call out of her past partner who essentially uses her for success and then leaves her with emotional scars. In the end, Halsey gets the last laugh as her lover feels the loneliness caused by visible achievement and realizes they can’t live without her. Once again the topic of emotional separation is present in a breakup ballad. Breakup songs teach us that loving someone can create a bond that is beautiful, but also one of the most vicious tools to harm. While Halsey’s partner is no longer with her in a relationship, she knows that their emotional bond was so strong that they will never forget her.
What makes breakup songs so fascinating is that they allow the listener to experience some of society’s most intense emotional situations, and shed light on the nuances of human relationships. As society changes and develops, so too will breakup songs. This is shown in the trend of breakup songs focusing less on marital problems, such as in “Band of Gold” and more on issues of personal empowerment and hookup culture. We’ve seen this already in Dua Lipa’s “New Rules” which has been hailed as a feminist anthem, of how women can join together to tackle issues of love, sex, and success.
Each instance of love and human connection is unique and most are emotionally painful. Through breakup songs, we are able to experience each person’s unique experience of love and loss. Perhaps this is why we replay break-up songs over and over again because they touch us more than any other type of music. We have created so many breakup songs, that to find one that perfectly relates to you is both incredibly intimate and realistic. And when we do find that perfect breakup song, we cherish it forever.
The aforementioned catalog of human expression in regards to love and loss will only grow larger and more fascinating. To that end, society will never stop being obsessed with breakup songs.
Ally Godsil is a writer, artist, and creative from the NJ/NYC area. Her work focuses on social advocacy, community building, and female empowerment. She is an aspiring politician or diplomat but is also extremely passionate about poetry, painting, and photography.
This article was edited by Assistant Editor Michaela Keil
Copyedited by Tah Ai Jia