Letter to myself about uncertainty
Dear Li,
It’s time we have a chat.
Right now, life is uncertain. School, friends, money, even the weather seems to be changing too fast for you to handle. But, during all of this confusion, it made me finally have a sense of acceptance to the fact that life is never all sunshine for anyone, especially ours. Daisies can't bloom when rain floods their home. And neither can you. So I’m writing this letter in hopes that one day you’ll find it, read it, and notice how far you’ve come.
Some people may know you as the girl who says a few words and locks her heart away. A shy and quiet soul who minds her own business. But then there are the ones who know you as someone who speaks without thinking. Someone who is loud and goes off at people. But you know yourself a little differently. Your mind, in some moments, seems to go faster than you can handle. You scream to calm it down. But when you speak, you feel at your loudest volume though no one can hear you.
Life hasn’t been our best friend. It seems to enjoy hurting us and causing pain. But, there have been moments where life decided to love us. Remember those times life treated you well.
There’s a disconnect between your thoughts and your mouth, and it seems to be the reason why you feel so alone. You strive for comfort in your life, and at times, you believe you're the most discomforting person in your life. I've noticed that is the source of our uncertainty, and it makes us feel like something isn’t right, and that we are nothing but a weak person.
You’ve dealt with so much yet you’re still here. You’ve made it past the feelings of death and not knowing if you’ll have a family. And even though the feelings of bittersweet romance and laughter that takes over at midnight. Maybe by reading this letter, and listening to a past version of yourself, you’ll see that you’re a strong person. Because you’ve survived your version of hell and heaven. Listen to the positive parts of your brain. Listen closely and close your eyes. Breathe in once in a while. Life is still here even if you don’t feel it is.
Because the future is always going to be uncertain—not just in the world but in our personal life too—but this is okay.
Now I feel like a failure. It is making me feel broken and like I am doing something wrong. Maybe I am. But I am learning to hold onto those moments where I don’t feel like one. And try to find why that was.
Lastly, but most importantly. You are not a daisy but a human being. Therefore, you can control just how much water you want in your home.
Always yours,
Li x
Liyah Garcia is a sixteen-year-old aspiring writer from Sacramento, California. Her writing focuses on relationships, mental illness, and the deeper side of a person’s life. Mainly in poetry and essays. After high school, she hopes to have a career in journalism. When she isn't writing, she is either drawing or watching movies. You can find her on Instagram @liyahlgarcia.
Article edited by EIC Kailah Figueroa
Collages by Liyah Garcia