5 Things I Learned In 2020
2020: The year of hardships, anxiety, masks, and hand sanitizer. But also the year of growth. When looking back at the past 12 months, I realized that the most meaningful lessons came out of my most challenging times. Here are 5 things that I learned in 2020.
Confidence is key (even when it’s fake)
As someone who struggles heavily with social anxiety, this one can be really hard for me to admit. No matter how many times people told me to just hone in on my confidence, I was always hesitant that everyone would think I was a fraud. But I finally realized that we’re all in the same boat. I was able to see the truth that changed my perspective: the people you look up to most, the ones who seem to have it all figured out, are faking it. No one is actually sure of themselves 100% of the time. The difference is, put simply, making the choice to fake it. I walked into a party (pre-covid), very anxious because I was showing up alone. I thought everyone would think I was weird and no one would talk to me. But instead of letting that stop me from going, I hyped myself up and convinced myself that I deserved to be there. Five minutes after I showed up, a girl I had never spoken to came up to me. Her exact words, which will live in my brain forever, were “when you first walked in, I was nervous to approach you because you had such bad bitch energy. You’re so pretty.” She had no clue I was internally having a meltdown over showing up alone. If you act like you’re supposed to be there, people will admire that.
Our problems are small in the grand scheme of things (but that doesn’t mean that they don’t matter)
It’s a tricky balance to remind yourself of the significance of your problems. Sometimes it takes a global pandemic to show you how to do so successfully. I learned that no one is focused on you in the way you think they are. No one notices the small mistakes that you think are the end of the world. Now I don’t mean that you don’t matter or that everyone else has it worse so you shouldn’t be allowed to be sad. Everyone is valid in their struggles and I would never preach otherwise. But, when you feel like the world is against you, sometimes you gotta remember that they aren’t concerned with you. Everyone is dealing with their own problems and I can promise you that the drive-thru worker already forgot that you said “you too” when they told you to enjoy your food.
Falling in love with yourself is the best thing you can do
Romanticizing your life is the biggest favor you can do for yourself. Once you start living with loving yourself being the purpose, you realize that living any other way was pointless. It’s your life, why would you live it for someone else? I spent a lot of time waiting for someone to treat me like the love interest in a movie, but I never considered that I could do that for myself. I explored this with my poetry this year, writing a poem called Love Poems About Me where I explored how I am making myself the center of my world and attention. Going to a new place or experiencing something exciting doesn’t have to require another person. Take yourself on a hike or out to eat, I promise it isn’t as scary as you think. When your self-esteem is low, it can suck to hear this, but you gotta fall in love with you before you can fall in love with anyone else.
Everyone needs a hug sometimes
It’s easy to get caught up in your own problems and forget that everyone else is going through their own stuff. We all need to remember that we only know our own story. Sometimes the people that seem the strongest are actually struggling the most. Offer a hug (once it’s safe to do so) to everyone in your life. I promise you’ll make someone’s day.
Family over everything
Depending on your position during the pandemic, you either spent a ton of time with your family or none at all. Either way, you probably learned about the relationship you have with them. I got the chance to be with my mom and my sister more than ever, but I had to go without seeing my grandparents for longer than I was used to. My family is very close and is used to seeing each other on a consistent basis, so quarantine presented challenges. It made me realize that I was so used to seeing them so often, I wasn’t really appreciating that I had that ability. Sometimes you don’t realize how good you had it until it’s taken from you.
I won’t sugarcoat it, the pandemic has sucked. But there’s no reason to avoid reflection on this year. It can be scary to think about the bad times, but that’s where the most growth comes from. Going into 2021, I’m excited. Yes, also nervous, but mostly looking forward to finally embracing my individuality instead of trying to define myself based on my relationship with others. So remember, we’re all going into 2021 with new goals and insights. Be kind, hug your loved ones, reach out to the people you may have drifted from, and remind yourself that you’re the baddest bitch you know.
Cara Weaver is a passionate writer, reader, editor, activist, and university student. She enjoys creating anything that comes to mind and testing the boundaries of genre. She specializes in spoken word poetry and emphasizes the importance of using it as a form of self-expression. She is from Upstate NY and spends most of her time in the company of her family and dogs. Outside of writing and reading, Cara likes to stay busy and active. She hopes to be a voice for those who have long had theirs silenced and won't rest until there is justice for everyone. Her work has previously been published by Young Writers USA and received recognition from Scholastic Art & Writing. She was a part of the team of creators behind Omnivisum Literary Magazine and currently works as a contributing writer for Women's Republic.