Beyond the catchy music, arresting visuals, quirky group dynamics, and alluring performances, I have come to realize that my life as a K-pop fangirl is more than just a passionate hobby; It’s become a second chance to recreate my teen years and my early twenties.

Being a K-pop stan has changed my life in so many ways—it has made me less judgmental, it has redefined my experiences with community and friendships, and it has empowered me to create things more freely. These pillars are common among K-pop stans and it is quite an expansive experience; it can start from being mutuals on K-pop stan Twitter (and gaining an internet friend or two), interacting with fellow creators, attending cupsleeve events (and meeting fellow K-pop stans across different demographics), initiating Twitter rallies to advocate for their idols’ well-being, or even banding together to help promote an advocacy or cause bigger than K-pop (see: K-pop stans rallying for the Black Lives Matter movement and other progressive causes).

In my three years in the realm of K-pop, I’ve seen both the good and bad sides of the K-pop community (fanwars, groupthink, racism, and sexism within the K-pop community, cases of catfishing, group order scams—the list goes on and on ), but I’m not going to deny that this community has brought a lot of good in me, too.  So, as an act of gratitude, here’s a roundup of three albums that are shaping my life as a twenty-something K-pop stan. 

• Heng:garae by Seventeen

Even though Heng:garae only came out last June, it has already made quite an impact on me. The album is described by the members as an album “filled with encouraging messages for today’s youth” during times of uncertainty and confusion. The description is quite fitting since the songs are filled with inspiring and comforting lyrics that remind you that things will be okay, despite the challenges, pressures, and uncomfortable feelings that come with growing up.

Two of the songs from this album that deeply resonated with me were “My My,” a fun, summery anthem that talks about growing through times of uncertainty while honoring one’s own pace and timing, and “Kidult,” a comforting, soulful ballad about coming home to your inner child when the world of adulthood is too much to bear. One of my favorite lyrics from the song “Kidult” is “It's okay/ Your world is fine/You are who you are,” which are the opening lines to the song’s chorus. I first heard a glimpse of it through the album’s highlight medley (which was dropped days before the album’s official release).

My first impression of the song was that it was going to be a tear-jerker, just like “Happy Ending” (one of their Japanese singles). But while the latter talks about going after our own happy endings with the people that we love by our side, which is a reminder we don’t always have to take on things by ourselves, “Kidult” talks about channeling our inner children in the midst of experiencing adulthood.

For most people, adulthood is a stage that’s frequently seen as grim, full of challenges and anxieties about the future. It’s not as freeing as what early 2000’s media painted it out to be. I’m turning twenty-six in a few weeks. I haven’t gone through a lot of the markers that signal adulting or adulthood, but I’m learning as I go along. After all, adulthood and growing up are things that are unique to our own experiences and circumstances. 

To be honest, “Kidult” didn’t grow on me at first because I wanted to spare myself from the tears and the feelings of nostalgia that came with it. But as I listened to it more, it became one of my favorites from the album. The song just brings feelings of reassurance and comfort, just like how a warm hug would feel. Whenever I listen to it now, I’m reminded that adulthood doesn’t always mean that we have our shit together all the time. It’s okay to not always cave in to the pressures of the world to “grow up,” and that our inner child will always be there to cheer us on during challenging times. 

• Verse 2 by JJ Project  

Before the term “emotional support K-pop album” came along, JJ Project’s Verse 2 was /that/ album for me.

First released in 2017, this album has been described as a “coming-of-age” album by its members, JB and Jinyoung (who are also members of GOT7). Similar to Seventeen’s Heng:garae, this album also explores the inner workings and anxieties of growing up and being in your twenties. The theme hits close to home for me because of my current reality: I’m in my twenties, and my twenties have been filled with a lot of anxieties, bouts of self-loathing, and missteps in my life and career. At the time of its release, JB and Jinyoung talked about the changes that they’ve experienced after debuting as a duo in JJ Project in 2012, putting their initial plans on hold to re-debut as members of GOT7, and releasing work once again as JJ Project in 2017.

As idols, musicians, and creatives, the two constantly faced the uncertainties and challenges that came with their careers and their lives. The lead single, “Tomorrow, Today,” talks about making decisions in an uncertain future, while acknowledging your present circumstances. Listening to Verse 2 is like seeking comfort and introspection during difficult times, and when you know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.

For JB and Jinyoung, coming of age doesn’t necessarily have to be resolved in the form of sudden lifestyle changes or sharp character development arcs—it can be about slowly adopting a mindset that’s rooted in acceptance or shaping your own voice through your experiences and interactions with your craft and the people around you. 

• Feel Special  by Twice 

Even though I only became a Once (the name for Twice’s fan club) quite recently, I honestly feel that I grew up with them in one way or another. I may not have been a fan of them since their debut, but they’re one of the groups that I’ve touched base with ever since I started becoming a K-pop stan.

I started my K-pop journey listening to their earlier hits, such as “TT,” “Likey,” and “Signal”, and I saw how their sound and concepts gradually mature over time without compromising their overall identity as a group. Their music and concepts have always been known to be unapologetically upbeat and positive, to the extent that they’re often reduced by haters to being cute and nothing else. (If there’s one thing I learned from this piece of criticism about them, it’s the importance of staying true to your roots while branching out to other opportunities or interests.)

Even if they’ve released songs with more mature themes (see: “More & More,” “Make Me Go,” “Fancy” and Japanese hits like “Fake & True” and “Breakthrough”), the catchy, sunny vibe that Twice is known for remains unwavered. Outside of their music, the members of Twice are also known to be genuine and loving towards Onces (their fans), often giving words of encouragement to fans through V-live streams, or by sharing things that they like.

However, it was during the release of their eighth EP, Feel Special that solidified my love for them as a group. The release of Feel Special came at a stressful time in my life that happened not too long ago. Even though the majority of the songs are upbeat and fun, the album contains messages about self-love, empowerment, friendships, and community—messages that have inspired me to pull through and choose myself, instead of lingering in an environment that wasn’t for me. On a broader scale though, I honestly think that Feel Special is an album that aims to provide reassurance that each one of us matters and deserves to take up space in this world. 

Even though I’ve long since embraced the truth that there’s life beyond fangirling and K-pop, I honestly think that K-pop has brought a lot of good things into my life. More than the music and the concepts that are built around them, it’s the community that can make K-pop a soothing and potentially life-changing force in an individual’s life.

Oftentimes, I see my favorite K-pop groups express their gratitude for their fans at every public space imaginable because, without the support and encouragement of fans like me, it would be difficult for them to power through and chase their dreams as they navigate the complex and grueling world of idol life. Conversely, their music has also given me the strength and inspiration to navigate my own adventures and misadventures as an adult.

I’m glad that I found a space where I can be more at ease with myself and in my own interests while sharing it with others. At this point, I honestly don’t know how K-pop will continue to shape me in the near future, or if K-pop will still be a part of my life at all. However,  I’m optimistic that the messages that these songs carry will always remind me of my own progress and growth, as well as the memories that I’ve made along the way as a twenty-something K-pop stan.

All albums mentioned are available on major streaming platforms.

Lea Bolante  is a 25-year old Filipina writer. Born and raised in Manila, Philippines, Lea has worked on various roles in the advertising industry, but writing remains her true love. She is learning not to attach her accomplishments and her work to her self-worth. Her writing focuses on beauty, pop culture, and processing life. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @leabolante. 

This article was edited by EIC Kailah Figueroa

Copyedited by Tah Ai Jia