Unpacking My Obsession With Difficult Women
Women. They are strong, beautiful, and wise. They’re viewed as complex, a puzzle to be solved before it’s displayed as a masterpiece. Take the examples in pop culture of ‘the bitch’ or ‘the prude,’ maybe even just ‘the mean girl’. Our society places them in special categories to better understand them and then claims that it takes a special partner to actually accomplish the task of solving them. Usually, it’s never as great as it should be, because, like all people, there is always more to be discovered.
I remember the first time I saw the 2014 film, Gone Girl dir. David Fincher, starring Rosamund Pike and Ben Affleck. My aunt and grandmother had neglected to check the rating for the movie and thought that it was perfectly suitable for a thirteen-year-old. Through the gaps between my nana’s fingers, I watched the character of Amy Dunne spin her calculated personality every way she could to get what she wanted. As an uncultured viewer of the world, I saw her as the villain. It took me years to understand that she wasn’t simply the antagonist who was trying to get back at her husband, but she was a woman who had been wronged by so many people in her life that she needed to regain control. The only reason she took it to that extreme was that she was pushed too far.
Her character was made up of so many things before that it can even be said that she wasn’t the antagonist at all. To have the mental capacity to spend months planning to fake her own kidnapping and frame it on her husband, Nick, and to take it a step further and come back as a hero to continually torture him comes from years of personal traumas and being strong mentally. She doesn’t really intimidate and threaten to get her point across. Instead, she waits, listens and plans. It’s calculated and personal. That’s what makes her scary and the best kind of villain if she can be called that. Honestly, Nick is the villain. He falls in love with a version of a woman in his head, never getting to know the real Amy. He blames his failures on her and forces her from her home and once she doesn’t meet his expectations or conforms to his version of her, he emotionally and mentally leaves her for a co-ed.
It can be hard to not obsess over these women. ‘Gone Girl’ developed a strong cult following in later years because it is such an overwhelming example of a woman scorned. The idea of a woman being wronged and then retaliating—GASP—not just retaliating but flipping the narrative multiple times so that not only did she get revenge but she finds a way to make the revenge equate to the pain she was caused. They are more cunning and devious than their male counterparts and usually leave a more lasting impression through sexual prowess and confidence. Difficult women can often be more alluring because of the lack of emotional availability they provide to the audience.
For example, some may consider Christina Yang from ‘Grey's Anatomy’ a difficult woman. She rarely opens up emotionally nor does she let her emotions get the best of her. Men found this ‘strength’ attractive because it was less for them to deal with, but in the end, it was too hard for them to handle. Because the truth is. These women are truly difficult. The reason they are emotionally unavailable and complex is that they don’t have time for the things that can be considered ‘typical’ for women. They don’t write poetry and care about boys or popularity, they kick ass and fight the wrongs, all while dealing with the things in their past that made them the way that they are.
To be a difficult woman, you must have a deep, dark past that defines you. A goal in this world you’ll do anything to achieve and one that will change your life forever. Most importantly, you must learn to hide your true emotions. For example, Emily Thorne in the tv show, ‘Revenge’, is the epitome of a difficult woman. She dedicates her entire life to becoming someone else to right the wrongs of those around her and gets revenge.
We love to watch these women and we obsess over them because they are everything a woman should be and more. But they are rare in the real world. The cold and calculated behaviors required to be a badass woman are at the cost of too much emotionally. Watching these women live their lives away from societal norms puts us in awe. In the end, they give us a taste of true freedom.
Ariel Snead is an 18-year old writer, student, influencer, and journalist from Baltimore, Maryland. She is currently pursuing Media Management at New York University. She hopes to develop a career involving media and its influence while also pursuing writing. You can find her on Instagram @mystic.ari, and on Twitter @arielvshae
This article was edited by EIC Kailah Figueroa
Copyedited by Tah Ai Jia